1. "I have toned muscles under this layer of fat" isn't an excuse. Yah DUHHH you still have muscles!!! Fuck, are you kidding right now? If you you didn't have muscles you wouldn't be standing! And the more you say it, the more you sound like an idiot making excuses for not working out!
2. Hey bitch! When someone's venting to you about their problems, it isn't the time to be saying: "OMG meee too!!!" It doesn't always have to be about you! Seriously! You sound conceited.
3. Listen, if you're going to bleach your hair, dump some toner on that pumpkin PLEASE! God, I don't wanna be staring at your post-bleach, orange head!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS?
4. Dude, stop bragging about how many reps of whatever you can do. Your muscles are nice to look at, but boring to hear about.
5. Honestly, I don't care if you're fat, you BETTER be working those short shorts!
6. If you've resorted to slamming someone's physical appearance, you've officially GOT NOTHING! You should immediately withdraw from the bitchfight before you look like an even bigger douchebag.
7. Those women's rights jokes are getting old. It's actually starting to sound like you're not joking anymore.
8. If you own a pair of crocs, don't wear them out in public. Just trust me on this one.
9. If you want to impress a girl, make sure you wear decent jeans. Not those baggy floodpants that make you look like a turn-of-the-20th-century chimney sweep.
10. I've gotta ask, what compelled you to shave off your eyebrows and draw on cartoon ones instead?
11. If you got your tongue pierced thinking it would make you look badass sticking it out in photographs, I'm here to tell you that you were colossally misguided.
12. It's just an empty plastic water bottle until you dump it on the ground in the community forest, YOU EARTH KILLER!
13. By using the self checkout out at your local grocery store, you're giving into Capitalism of the highest degree!
14. Kay, SHUT UP! You look amazing right now. Yeah you!
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